Beginning to admit that it’s hard for me to accept kindness from people. If I’m low on cash and someone offers to pay for me, I’ll often try to find a way to not make them pay, or promise them I’ll hit them back soon so we’re “even” again. It’s awkward to just accept kindness and let it be. I think it’s the same way with us and God. It’s hard for us to accept that he loves us and wants to do good to us, when we can’t really pay him back. But it’s so necessary.
I’m beginning to see that to embrace the gospel is not only to think “Jesus is Lord of my life,” or “God is a just judge so he has to judge sin but he made a way for forgiveness through Jesus,” but including those things, it is also to accept the simple fact that he came here because he loves us. Accepting the gospel is letting him be the one that loves us, and not only be the judge of the whole earth. It’s let him do what he wants to do, which is to also be our helper, because he wants to.
I know God is holy, that he hates sin, and that he is far removed from us when it comes to worth. But God gets no glory where he is not celebrated, just like a movie isn’t really seen as anything special unless it’s seen, enjoyed and talked about (and has good review). You can get me to be afraid of God, can tell me to obey rules and get me in the habit of saying Bible phrases, and I can say with my mouth that God is good, but unless I enjoy it, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not true to me. But a good friend has recently been sharing the love of God with me again, and it’s getting through to me. The gospel is that we are dearly loved by God.
I am loved by God. I accept it! I accept that he made me just so that he could bless me. I believe that despite all my shortcomings, he still intensely wants to do good to me, and finds pleasure in naming me among those he calls “righteous.” I believe he enjoys this exchange, even though it’s not fair. It’s so wrong, so unearned, but so wonderful and I accept it. This is our God.